I am recovering perfectionist.
Perfectionism’s greatest accomplice is Pleaser.
Once overburdened about what the world thought of me, I existed mostly to please them- ALL of them. In my confusion, I believed that I was much bigger than I actually was. I believed that when people were cruel, it must in some way be my fault. I believed when I was offended, I had the right to offend; I couldn’t please them anyway. I believed in fairness and thought if I worked hard enough, I could accomplish anything, get anyone to like me (even those I did not like myself), and I was convinced I was in control.
Brokeness has a way of letting the light in- I read this on Instagram- I think. And it’s true. When I was at the end of myself, I encountered a moment with my Creator, where I was urged to put down the things I could not control and to continue doing it everyday for the rest of my life.
The things I could not control…
All. Of. It.
I started running about the time grace to fail began seeping into my life, and my favorite part was and still is the sunrise I witness approaching mile two. It is a simple reminder of how incredibly small I am and just how magnificently grand He is. This revelation changes things- HE is big and we are small.
I even began stopping in the middle of my runs to collect photos of these sunrises for my instagram account @cheskafaith, so I can go to those moments in the middle of a hectic day and find my point of reference.
Knowing I have this grace allows me to extend it to others too. This is actually the coolest part. People are not as scary anymore. I’ve learned, that they too, are simply trying to navigate. Nothing is personal. People on journey sometimes want help with their baggage, and sometimes they do not. And it is all fine. Grace to fail means we can all just be and it works.
I’ve discovered putting things down, extending grace to myself and others, and remaining pleasing, soley to the One who created me for His pleasure, is a practice; it is not a destination- much like yoga. Thankfully, there is joy in the journey, when there is grace to fail.
I wish you many sunrises.